HUMOROUS MISADVENTURE

 HUMOROUS MISADVENTURE

 

Sarkar, the thin chain-smoking magician, had always been known for his bumbling tricks and disastrous performances. But nothing could have prepared him for his latest misadventure: being lost in the Sunderban forests during a storm. As he clutched his crumpled cape around him, shivering in the drizzle, he glanced down at his only two companions – a perpetually annoyed fat white rabbit named Gabbas and a deck of soggy playing cards.

 

“Well, Gabbas,” Sarkar sighed, “It looks like we have an entire week to savour nature's hospitality. Let’s make the most of it, shall we?”

 

Gabbas merely nodded and glared at Sarkar for the predicament he had found himself in.

 

As the storm raged on, Sarkar fumbled to light a cigarette. “Thank God for small mercies”, he muttered under his breath as he took a deep puff. He came across a hollow tree that could offer some shelter. “Home sweet home”, he announced, though Gabbas didn’t seem impressed. Gabbas was dreaming of the sweet environs of Hyderabad and Lucknow, then being impressed by Sarkar’s antics. Pulling a card out of his deck, Sarkar tried to entertain himself.

 

“Pick a card, any card!” he said to Gabbas, who hopped away in disdain.

 

“Ah, the cold treatment, you classic white elephant of a rabbit”, Sarkar muttered. “No matter, I shall master the elements, become a sorcerer, and send you to Mecca.”

 

His attempts at starting a fire with a lighter and two sticks ended with him burning his foot. He hopped and limped around and blamed Gabbas for his discomfort.

 

By the third day, Sarkar had exhausted the meagre supplies in his cape: two cough drops, a packet of Wills Navy Cut cigarette, and a broken wand. He considered eating the cough drops but decided to save them for emergencies. He longed for a cigarette. His longing was driving him crazy. “I could do with a drink or two of strong Russian vodka, too”, he muttered.

 

“Come Gabbas, let’s forage”, he said, suddenly optimistic. They found some berries, a speciality of Sunderbans. “I think these are safe,” he mused before trying one. It tasted like sour regret.

 

They were startled by a Royal Bengal tiger sniffing around their tree that night. Sarkar panicked, grabbing his deck of cards. “Back beast! Or I shall saw you in half,’” he shouted, throwing the deck of cards at the tiger’s head. The tiger, unimpressed, wandered off.

 

“See, Gabbas? Magic always wins!” he declared, ignoring that it was probably the tiger’s large-heartedness, kindness and forgiving nature, and lack of interest in the soggy cards and his antics that had saved them.

 

Food became a real issue, and by the fifth day, Sarkar’s already thin frame looked increasingly like a skeleton. He glanced at Gabbas, who looked plumper by the day.

 

“No, Sarkar, you can’t eat Gabbas,” he scolded himself. “Come up with something. A grand illusion to get out of here.”

 

He tried to conjure food with his wand. He dreamt of tandoori chicken and smooth vodka to go with it. The thought of it made his mouth water.

 

Gabbas, in a rare moment of sympathy, snuggled up to Sarkar, providing a tiny bit of warmth. “Thanks, buddy. You’re the real magic, better than vodka, better than my wife,” Sarkar whispered, petting him.

 

On the seventh day, Sarkar lay under the tree, hallucinating about cigarettes, vodka, a monkey Man, and how he killed the Royal Bengal tiger. He suddenly heard voices. Rescue workers had found him. He jumped up, deliriously happy.

 

“Over here! The great Sarkar and Gabbas deserve an audience!” he cried out.

 

As they appeared, he collapsed into their arms, mumbling, “ I fought off tigers with a mere deck of cards. I transformed berries into butter chicken. I had a man-to-man combat with a monkey man. I pulled survival from the depths of death!”.

 

Gabbas, perched safely in a rescuer's arms, rolled his eyes and joined in the narrative of fighting tigers and monkey man.

 

Back in civilisation, Sarkar and Gabbas were the toast of the town. At a press conference, he regaled the members of the press with his exaggerated tales.

 

“And then, " he boomed, “I killed a monkey man with nothing but magical prowess. I tamed a Royal Bengal Tiger and convinced him to bring us food, serve us, and do our bidding. Gabbas, here, was my assistant, fetching food, lighting fires, and keeping me engaged with his soulful singing,” he told NDTV and other prominent news channels.

 

Given their bragging to the national media, Gabbas twitched his nose, wondering what more trouble he could get himself into.

 

“Truly, it was the greatest trick of my life, “Sarkar concluded.

 

“And what was that?” a reporter from Times of India asked.

 

“Surviving a week in the wild”, Sarkar grinned. He then spied a pretty young journalist; he leaned in, whispering, “Tell you a secret: most of my adventures were delusional.”

 

The assembled crowd erupted in laughter, and Sarkar and his rabbit Gabbas had, for once, truly captured the audience.