FACING ATELOPHOBIA PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

 FACING ATELOPHOBIA PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

 

The auditorium lights dimmed as the curtains went up, and the audience's murmur faded into eager, hushed anticipation. Eric stood backstage, his palms and hands sweaty, clutching the microphone with shaky hands. This was his moment to sing for Creation Week, a chance to showcase his talent. He had chosen the song “Take Me to Your Heart” by “Michael Learns to Rock” for this occasion. “Stay cool, just breathe, just don’t mess up. Breathe, don’t mess up, stay cool, you got this,” he chanted silently.

 

He had rehearsed the song countless times, each note and rhythm implanted in his memory. “You know this song like the back of your hands. You’ve got this.” Yet his inner critic whispered, “What if your voice cracks? What if you forget the lyrics? What if you sing out of tune? Everyone will be judging you. He realised he performed much more freely when nobody could judge him.” 

 

He remembered the inter-school talent show last year in his junior school when he had stumbled, and his voice had faltered on a high note. He still remembered the embarrassment and the disappointment. “This is not happening this time. You can’t let that happen again. This is middle school…a fresh start.”

 

Br. Shanon, his music teacher, encouraged him, “You’re ready, Eric. Just let the music flow through you.”

 

Eric nodded, managing a smile. “Easy for you to say. I’m the one who will be roasted. You are not the one who has to be perfect. “

 

The band members started the music, and the spotlight shone on him, the vocalist, in an unforgiving glow. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, feeling the weight of every eye on him. “They are all waiting for me to fail”, his perfectionist attitude wailed.

 

“Good evening, everyone,” he began, his voice steady despite the butterflies dancing in his stomach. “This is a song I’ve been working on for a while. It’s called “Take Me to Your Heart “and a cover of MLTR. I hope you enjoy it.”

 

The first chords played softly in the background, and Eric began to sing.

 “Hiding from the rain and snow

I am trying to forget, but I won’t let go

Looking at the crowded street

Listening to my own heartbeat.”

 

His voice was strong and clear, each note resonating with the audience. “That’s a great start. You are doing great. Just keep going.”

 

But as he reached the third stanza of the lyrics, a moment of doubt seized him. “What if you mess up now? What if your voice cracks and you cannot portray the emotions in the song?”

 

“Take me to your heart, take me to your soul

Give me your hand before I’m old

Show me what love is; I haven’t got a clue

Show me that wonders can be true.”

 

His throat tightened for a split second, and his voice wavered. “Did the crowd start whispering? Or is it on my mind? They see it. You’re not perfect.”

 

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the fear. His feet and hands were shaking. “Focus on the lyrics and the music. You’ve practised this umpteen times. You can do it.”

 

He pushed through, his voice regaining his composure and strength. But the nagging doubt remained. “They have already seen you stumble. It’s over.”

 

“Take me to your heart, take me to your soul

Give me your hand and hold me

Show me what love is; be my guiding star

It’s easy; take me to your heart.”

 

The song's final notes echoed through the auditorium, and Eric ended on a soft, lingering note. The following applause was polite but not as wild and exuberant as he had hoped. “They are just nice. They know it was not flawless.”

 

He bowed and walked off the stage, his legs feeling like rubber. Br. Shanon met him with a warm smile. “You did well, Eric, really well.”

 

Eric nodded, his heart heavy with doubt. “Did I do well, or has he just been polite and nice?”

 

As he walked down the hall, his classmates offered words of praise. “Great job, Eric!” one said, but the compliment didn’t register in Eric’s ears. “Are they sincere and genuinely mean it?”

 

Reaching his class, Eric sat on his chair, closing his eyes. “Why can’t you just relax and let go? Why does everything have to be so damned perfect? Maybe I’m built this way.” The answer to this question was well known to him. “Because anything less than perfect feels like failure. And failure is not an option.”

 

But as he sat there, the echo of the final note still in his mind, a new thought emerged: “Maybe it’s time to redefine perfectionism. Maybe it's time to embrace imperfections and just go with the flow. You can’t control everything. From now on, focus on what you can control. Give your best and forget the rest. There is no such thing as perfection; to hell with it. From now on, I’ll sing for the sheer joy of it.”

 

With a deep breath, Eric opened his eyes. “One day, I’ll get there. But for now, it’s one step at a time for me.” With that resolve, he walked away, determined to face his fears and imperfections head-on. The following year, Eric won the talent competition at Creation Week.